After You Notice the Thought: What Comes Next
Noticing a thought and stepping back from it is a useful first move. But what do you do when the thought is still there? This post picks up where defusion leaves off.
Brett Mackie - Registered Psychologist & Director
In my last post, Why Thoughts Feel So Real (and Why Knowing That Still Isn't Enough), I wrote about cognitive fusion — the way a thought can feel like a fact, and how simply naming it ("I'm having the thought that…") can loosen its grip a little.
The natural next question is a good one.
"I tried it. I noticed the thought, I named it, I stepped back. The thought is still there. Now what?"
That's exactly where this post picks up. Knowing what to do when thoughts won't go away — even after you've noticed them — is one of the most practical skills in therapy. Noticing is a useful first move. It just isn't the whole journey.
Defusion Is a Doorway, Not the Destination
There's a quiet trap that shows up once people learn to step back from a thought. It's easy to start using that skill as a new way to make the thought disappear. "If I label it properly, it should leave."
Sometimes it softens. Sometimes it doesn't. And if the goal becomes a quiet mind, every loud thought starts to feel like a failure of technique.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), defusion has a different job. It isn't there to remove the thought. It's there to give you a little room — so that the thought is one thing happening in the mind rather than the only thing steering you.
The point of creating that room isn't the room itself. It's what you do with it.
What is defusion? In ACT, defusion means stepping back from a thought so you can observe it rather than be swept along by it. Instead of "I'm going to fail," you notice: "My mind is telling me I'm going to fail." The thought is still there — you've just changed your relationship to it (see References).
Thoughts Are the Weather. Values Are the Compass.
Thoughts change by the hour, and they're often loudest when something genuinely matters to us. Values are different.
They're not goals to tick off or feelings to achieve. They're the qualities you'd like to bring to your life — being a present parent, an honest friend, a curious learner, someone who turns up for their work even when it's hard.
Here's a way to hold that: you can't control the weather, but you can still choose a direction. When the mind is full of storm — "I'll embarrass myself," "I'm not cut out for this" — the question shifts from "How do I stop this thought?" to "What do I want to be doing here, even with this thought around?"
If that's hard to answer straight away, try sitting with one of these:
What would I want to be known for in this part of my life?
If this worry wasn't running the show, what would I be moving towards?
What am I avoiding that I actually care about?
There are no right answers. The point is to get curious about what's underneath the avoidance.
Making Room for the Discomfort
Here's the part that's rarely popular: the things we care about most tend to come with discomfort attached.
Caring about a relationship means risking hurt. Caring about your work means risking getting it wrong. The nervous feeling is often a sign that something matters — not a sign to stop.
ACT calls this willingness. It doesn't mean liking the feeling or pretending it isn't there. It means being prepared to carry the thought and the discomfort along for the ride while you take a step that matters to you.
Imagine someone who values being a good colleague and wants to share an idea at work. The thought "they'll think it's a stupid idea" shows up, right on time.
Fusion says: stay quiet, because the thought must be telling the truth.
Defusion says: "There's that story again."
Willingness adds: "I can feel my heart racing, and I'm still going to say the first sentence."
Notice what hasn't changed. The thought is still there. So is the nervous feeling. What's changed is who is deciding what happens next.
Try this — a micro-move for this week: Pick one situation where a recurring thought tends to make your decisions for you. Then complete this sentence, in writing if you can:
"My mind says ______. And because I care about ______, I'm going to ______ anyway — even a small version of it."
Keep the step small enough that you could do it in under ten minutes. Afterwards, don't grade whether the thought went away. Just notice what it was like to move in a direction you chose.
Small Steps, and Kindness When They Wobble
You don't need a grand gesture. In ACT this is called committed action, and it's usually small: one email, one honest sentence, ten minutes on the thing you've been putting off. Small steps are easier to repeat, and repeating them is what builds a different relationship with the thoughts that used to stop you.
Some days it won't go to plan. You'll get fused, avoid the thing, and then criticise yourself for avoiding it. That second layer — the pile-on — tends to cost more than the original slip.
A kinder response is to notice it ("There's the harsh-critic story"), treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend in the same spot, and choose the next small step.
Values aren't a test you pass or fail. They're a direction you can return to as often as you need.
What This Looks Like in the Therapy Room
In session, Brett usually starts with the same question this post asks: what matters to you here, and what keeps getting in the way? From there, values get worked out in your own words — not from a list, but from what's actually going on in your life.
From that foundation, we practise noticing and making room for difficult thoughts and feelings, and look for small steps that fit your actual week. It's collaborative, and it moves at your pace.
If you'd like to explore this further, you're also welcome to browse the self-help resources on the site, or read more about how ACT works before deciding whether to get in touch.
Key takeaways
Noticing and naming a thought (defusion) is a useful first step — but it isn't designed to make the thought disappear.
The goal of defusion is to create room, so that the thought is one thing happening rather than the only thing steering you.
Values — the qualities you want to bring to your life — give you a direction to move in, even when thoughts are loud.
Willingness means being prepared to carry discomfort while taking a step that matters, not eliminating the discomfort first.
Committed action is usually small. Repeating small steps is what changes your relationship with difficult thoughts over time.
Self-criticism after a slip adds a second layer of cost. Noticing it and returning to values is enough.
If you're in crisis: This article is general information only and is not a substitute for professional advice tailored to you. If you're in distress or need urgent support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 000 in an emergency. You can also visit our crisis support page for more options.
If this resonated and you'd like some support working through it, you're welcome to get in touch. Sessions are available in person at our rooms in Altona Meadows, and by telehealth across Australia.
Until next time,
Brett
Frequently asked questions
Does defusion mean I have to accept every thought I have?
Not quite. Defusion isn't about agreeing with a thought or deciding it's fine — it's about changing your relationship to it. You can notice a thought, recognise it as a mental event rather than a fact, and still choose not to act on it. The thought can be there without running the show.
What if I try to act on my values and the anxiety gets worse?
That can happen, especially early on. Research on ACT suggests that a temporary increase in discomfort when moving towards something meaningful is normal — it's often a sign that the thing genuinely matters (see References). The aim isn't to feel calm first and then act. It's to act and let the feeling come along for the ride. If anxiety is significantly interfering with daily life, it's worth speaking with a GP or psychologist for personalised support.
How is this different from just pushing through anxiety?
"Pushing through" often involves gritting your teeth and hoping the feeling stops — which can leave you exhausted and resentful. ACT's approach is different: you're not fighting the feeling or pretending it isn't there. You're acknowledging it, making room for it, and moving in a direction that matters to you because it matters — not despite the feeling, but alongside it.
Is ACT suitable for everyone?
ACT is a well-researched approach that may help with a wide range of difficulties including anxiety, low mood, chronic pain, and stress. That said, no single approach suits everyone equally. A psychologist can help you work out whether ACT, CBT, or another evidence-based approach is the best fit for your situation. Your GP can provide a referral.
References
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/Acceptance-and-Commitment-Therapy/Hayes-Strosahl-Wilson/9781609189624
A-Tjak, J. G. L., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J., & Emmelkamp, P. M. G. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinically relevant mental and physical health problems. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30–36. https://doi.org/10.1159/000365764
Luoma, J. B., Hayes, S. C., & Walser, R. D. (2017). Learning ACT: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Skills-Training Manual for Therapists (2nd ed.). Context Press. https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626259492/learning-act/
Beyond Blue (2024). Anxiety — treatment and support. Beyond Blue. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/anxiety
Australian Psychological Society (2018). Evidence-based psychological interventions in the treatment of mental disorders: A literature review (4th ed.). APS. https://www.psychology.org.au/for-the-public/psychology-topics/evidence-based-psychological-interventions
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